Maybe you’ve been there, a close family member or friend has been thrown into the role of caring for their loved one. You want to do something for them, but don’t know what to do. Or say. So you don’t say anything.
Maybe you want to thank a doctor, nurse or healthcare worker, but what could they possibly want or need? So, you just let it be.
It’s been ten years since I’ve graduated from nursing school. During my time as a nurse, I’ve played several different roles. Being with some patients for weeks at a time and some for a mere 20 minutes. Each with their own story. And each caretaker with their own role.
I’ve been on both the personal and professional side of this story. Spoken or unspoken, I’ve picked up on some needs of caretakers on both sides of the bed. I’m sharing what I’ve learned along the way.
- a sweet treat or personalized gift
This one is mostly for the healthcare workers. A donut or a cup of coffee go a long way. The 7-7 shift is TOUGH and long. Some days you’re just too busy to even eat lunch. Trust me, they’re beyond appreciative of a hot cup of coffee!
I once had a patient who carved me a pen out of wood. His hobby was wood work and he was extremely talented. He came back to visit and gift me the pen. I still have the pen today. It was so meaningful to me! Personal gifts mean the world. Bonus points if they come from a hobby that you love.
2. be specific with what you want to do for them
People will often say something along the lines of – “let me know if I can do anything for you.” And of course this person means it, but a caretaker is more likely to take you up on this if you re-word your offer. “I’m making you a dinner this week. What day works best for you?” It’s specific and requires more of an answer than “thank you.”
3. sometimes they don’t want food at all
Maybe they have way too much in the fridge, maybe they’re out or at the hospital during dinner time. Instead, with the money you were planning to spend making a meal, email an Amazon or grocery gift card. They could be running out of little things at home like toothpaste or toilet paper. Silly to think about, but if you’re getting home at 8 pm, the last thing you want to do is make a stop at a CVS or Walgreens. Instacarting or Amazon priming the essentials can be helpful.
4. a small gesture to let them know you’re thinking about them goes a long way
Maybe it’s a song or lyric that made you think about them. Maybe it’s a photo or memory. Send them a text and remind them of the happier times. I promise you, will put a smile on their face even for the smallest iota of a second!
5. don’t say at least “X” didn’t happen or at least you don’t have to deal with “x.”
It’s not really helpful and downplays how they’re feeling. At times, people say this when they don’t know what to say. If you don’t know what to say, you can say I don’t know what to say! It’s okay! Saying you don’t know what to say is more helpful than not saying anything at all. The person you’re talking to knows you’re uncomfortable and will find it so meaningful just to talk with someone.
Do you have any tips? Leave any ideas in the comment section below <3.